I think my fart just growled at me.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
it was like eating out sand paper
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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