Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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