I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
