Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
