i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
