So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
