but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
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I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
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If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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