Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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