Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
whose parrot is this?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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