She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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