i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
why do cheetos always look like penises
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
