I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
