my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
