she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
