She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
