i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
