i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
