Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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