So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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