I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just found puke in my bra..
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
