Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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