i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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