When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
