It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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