You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
