so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
