I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
