So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
