Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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