Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
