my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
