I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
