I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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