People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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