I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize