he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
