so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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