you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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