its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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