I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
