if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
