the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
