Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
This is my gift to your gina
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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