the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
