didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
