There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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