he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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