So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
we should paint friendship bongs
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