When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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