I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
