I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm drive I can fine osifer
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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