I smell stomach acid.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
