Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
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i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
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What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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