I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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