Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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