oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
