ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
