Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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