She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
