answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
