the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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