It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
