You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize