Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I stole a fireplace last night.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
